Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
