You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize