I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
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On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Alive.
So much puke
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So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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