Do vagina's smell?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
