Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
