Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
