Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
