the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
They have beer where we have blood.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
