Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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