Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
