Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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