You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Enjoy the penises
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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