I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
it was like eating out sand paper
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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