im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
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OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
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Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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