my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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