He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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