every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
