Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
