I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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