what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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