The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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