just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
