"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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