She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
