I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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