ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
