I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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