i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
