how can u be prego again
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Your penis caused this!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
