You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
