I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
