There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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