Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
