I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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