omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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