she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Randomize
