I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
