dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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