i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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