I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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