i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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