I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My vagina is officially offended.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
