What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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