so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
