I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
