chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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