WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
