im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
