we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
