why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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