Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
