Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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