New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
