I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
