McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
