The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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