I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
