Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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