My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
