I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
