We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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