Your dad touched me again.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
